What Guys Know About SEX That Girls Don’t

Just about anything can get them going, and they couldn’t care less if their thighs jiggle. It’s time to stop envying men in bed and start stealing their secrets.

You wouldn’t want to be a guy. It would mean talking to your friends in monosyllables, having feet that smell like French onion soup, and lookking worse with big boobs. But just because we’d balk at trading places with dudes doesn’t mean they have nothing to teach us. For starters: “Men tend to act on their instincts more, especially when it comes to sex,” says Ian Kerner, PhD, author of Passionista: The Empowered Woman’s Guide to Pleasuring a Man. “They do what feels good without overthinking it.” Adopting that kind of male mentality in the bedroom leads to a long list of perks, including a higher libido and climaxing more often. In the name of sexual superiority, er, we mean equality, we asked experts to fill us in on exactly what a girl should steal from a guy’s MO.

Lesson 1

You’re Always Doable

The average guy could spend the day inhaling chicken wings and still want sex when he gets home. But if women eat too much — or are a little bloated or pimply or feel crappy for any other reason — they often shut down their sex drive. The reason?

“Females have this notion that they don’t deserve sex unless they look and feel absolutely perfect, but that’s total bunk,” says Cynthia Gentry, author of What Men Really Want in Bed. Your guy often picks up on your feeling like you “shouldn’t” have sex and is less inclined to ask for it, which only reinforces your thinking that you’re not doable. The result is a lot less sex for everyone involved.

The truth is, once your clothes come off, this is the extent of what a guy is thinking: “Boobs!” In other words, he’s not noticing that you have a zit or haven’t washed your hair. So instead of closing yourself off, think like a guy and go for it.

A quick way to get out of your own head: “Get him hard — literally. Reach over and touch his penis to let him know you want sex,” says Patricia Taylor, PhD, author of Expanded Orgasm: Soar to Ecstasy at Your Lover’s Every Touch. “When you see how aroused he get’s, you’ll realize there’s no point in worrying about all that other stuff.”

LESSON 2

Little Things Are Big Turn-Ons

It doesn’t take much to get a guy excited. If he spots a millimeter of skin between your shirt and jeans, he starts thinking about what you look like naked …and presto, he’s in the mood.

“Statistics show that most men think about sex throughout the day, so a guy is always open to associating things with sex,” Kerner says. By the time your man gets home, the sexual tension has been building for so long that he’s raring to go. But females work differently.

“Women think about sex when it’s time for sex, but they often don’t allow seemingly nonsexual things to trigger thoughts of that kind of pleaseure,” Gentry says.

Take a page from his playbook and open yourself up to the possibility of arousal at any time. When you’re flipping through a magazine, check out and linger on any hot male models, dissecting every body part, from their chiseled abs to their steamy gaze. And look at real guys too — hey, it’s not cheating if you’re just looking!

Next time you’re at a crowded bar with your girls, pay special attention to how good a guy smells as he passes you, or pick a treadmill at the gym that gives you a prime view of dudes working out. “Opening yourself up to being turned on by things throughout your day will make it easier for you to become aroused and can make the experience of sex, when you do have it, even better,” Kerner says.

LESSON 3

Your Crotch Is Awesome

From the time they’re little boys, guys worship their package — they play with it, take extra care to protect it, and sometimes refer to it as if it were a person.

“The love affair men have with their genitalia actually helps them have better sex because they know every inch of it and what touches and moves bring maximum pleasure,” says Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD, author of Pleasuring: The Secrets to Sexual Satisfaction.

Women, on the other hand, typically don’t have the same kind of self-love.

Most chicks focus only on their clitoris, all but ignoring other parts of their genitalia. “There are so many other spots that can be arousing, and it will enhance your sex life if you become familiar with them,” Kerner says.

Think about it: If a guy thought there were places on his junk that would bring him instant pleasure, would he ignore them? Uh, hell no. So lie back, let your thighs relax out to the sides, and spend some quality time exploring all those feel-good spots on your own. Rub the area around your clitoris, stroke up and down the sides of your vulva, tug gently on your labia.

And don’t forget to go hunting for your G-Spot, a dime-size area located about 2 inches up on your inner-vaginal wall that becomes more prominent when you’re fully turned on.

To find it: Once you’re aroused, curve your finger and slide it inside you. With the pad of your fingertip, feel around until you find an area that is raised and spongy, and tap or rub it lightly to see if you like the sensation. Then get your guy in on the action — trust us, he won’t complain. Show him what felt best and ask him to copy your moves.

LESSON 4

Practice Makes Perfect

A male has sex as much as possible — either with his hand or with his girl. And there’s a biological reason why. “Men have more testosterone, which is one of the factors that makes them want sex more,” Fulbright says.

Well, good news: Getting off frequently can boost a female’s sex drive so it’s much more akin to a guy’s.

“Having an orgasm actually helps women produce testosterone, which will make them want sex more often,” Taylor says. That means that even when you’re not with your guy, you should be regularly bringing yourself to climax. “Masturbating is a great way to experiment and see what works for you,” Kerner says.

So don’t be shy about trying different solo techniques. One pleasure-friendly position is to lie on your stomach with your legs together, reach your hands down between your legs, press your finger against your clitoris, and move them in a circular or back-and-forth motion.

It creates a tight friction that can do wonders. And switch up where you get off. Test your climax potential in the bathtub. Lie on your back with your legs spread under the faucet so that the water rushes down on your clitoris. The constant pressure of the warm water can be even better than letting your fingers go to work.

Or try tossing a towel over the padded arm of your couch, straddling it, and rocking back and forth, using the weight of your body to adjust the amount of pressure on your clitoris.

LESSON 5

Sex Is Better at Full Mast

Think of your clitoris like a dude thinks of his penis. They’re more similar than you think: Both have about the same number of nerves, require stimulation to climax, and become engorged when they’re aroused. The difference is that the clitoris doesn’t need to be engorged for you to have sex. “Many women start intercourse before they’re fully turned on,” Taylor says.

Be sure to lavish your clitoris with attention before sex. “Most penises grow to about twice their size when erect, and a woman’s clitoris swells too,” Taylor says. During foreplay, you’ll have to try different moves to see what gets you going.

Start with direct pressure, placing two fingers over it and rubbing back and forth. As it becomes engorged (and more sensitive), you may have to use a softer touch. Once you feel it getting bigger, make a V with your index and middle fingers, place them on either side, and move up and down. When you reach the point where the slightest touch is enough to send you over the edge, start having sex.

LESSON 6

It’s All About Focus

Outside the sack, women have a huge advantage over men because they’re so much better at multitasking. But in the bedroom, it can be seriously detrimental.

“There’s a tendency for women to be thinking of many different things during sex,” Fulbright says. It’s not unusual to be pondering the move you want to try next, the way your tummy is jiggling, and whether or not you should open a window because it’s getting too hot.

But having all that on your mind can throw you off track when it comes to enjoying sex and reaching an orgasm. Guys, on the other hand, focus solely on what they’re doing: how it feels when he thrusts into you or the way your breasts feel against his chest.

Practice zeroing in on the sensations you’re experienceing rather than letting your mind wander. “Pay attention to exactly what you’re seeing and feeling and it will be much easier to stay in the moment,” Fulbright says. When he caresses you, really think about how your body is reacting. Are you getting goose bumps? Do you feel yourself warm up under his hands?

If you worry about how you look during sex, the same advice applies: Keep your eyes trained on him.

“Guys can have body issues, but during sex, they center in on their partner’s body instead of worrying about their own,” Kerner explains. Pick the parts of him that you find sexiest, and focus on them while you’re doing it.

Another totally how thing to look at? Him entering you. “Many women don’t think to look at his penis actually thrusting in and out,” Taylor says. “But it can be a highly erotic and effective way to keep yourself focused.”

… AND SOME THINGS THEY GET TOTALLY WRONG! Almost every woman has dated a guy who believes one — or, God help her, all — of these boneheaded ideas about booty.

Foreplay is best when saved for special occasions. A surprise visit to your backdoor is completely okay if it’s an “accident.” The carpet next to your bed is an excellent place to drop a used condom. Anything more than a half-inch strip of pubic hair is unladylike. In bed, women should use Jenna Jameson as their inspiration. Guys should use a jackhammer as theirs. You won’t react badly if he says “You taste weird.”

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