Most of the articles on this web site give you ideas for how to deal with anxiety.
This article tells you what NOT to do.
Don't feel bad if you tried one or more of these ways of coping with your anxiety - some are tempting. But a whole host of research studies and clinical experience tells us that they just don't work
...and may even make anxiety worse.
Why not?
If you're afraid of snakes, it's perfectly natural to stay away from snakes. Or if you worry about driving on highways, why not take the local streets?
The problem with avoidance is that it feels too good. Staying away becomes a pattern.
Avoidance fertilizes anxiety.
That's because people with problematic anxiety feel nervous about many things. After they avoid one thing, another fear blooms.
Avoidance worked for the first one, so why not avoid this one too? Eventually, fears, like weeds, choke and crowd out a healthy life. Furthermore, behavior tells your brain what to believe.
Avoidance behavior also increases fear because it increases your brain's belief that what you're avoiding is truly fearful.
For example, Allen felt uncomfortable in crowds. He worried about being able to escape from stadiums if he felt the need. So he avoided sporting events.
That worked pretty well, but then he noticed he was uptight in crowded shopping malls. So he let his wife do most of the shopping.
No big deal.
But then, he started to feel uncomfortable in restaurants. And so on...
"Why me?"
"It isn't fair."
"I hate being anxious. I can't stand it."
People with these attitudes hope for deliverance from their discomfort. They complain constantly and do little to help themselves. Some seem to just enjoy griping. Others hope for sympathy.
But that doesn't work.
People don't like listening to a bombardment of grumbling and discontent. It only turns people off. Overcoming anxiety takes work and commitment. Not whining and complaining.
We're not talking about merely discussing and sharing your problems with a friend or loved one here. Sharing your concerns can be a useful way to reduce your anxiety and obtain a little support.
What's the difference between sharing and complaining?
Whiners usually drone on and on and have little interest in exploring productive solutions.
Could you go with me to the store? Do I look like I'm getting sick?
Like whiners and complainers, some folks look to others to fix what ails them. They want constant help and reassurance from their friends, families, and even coworkers. Instead of facing their fears on their own, they lean on others and become dependent.
That's okay when you really need help, but when you continuously ask for reassurance, you're not standing up to your worries. The reassurance works temporarily; it does reduce anxiety at the moment.
The problem is that it also reinforces the belief that you can't handle things on your own, which makes you even more anxious.
How nice life would be if fancy bottles held genies just waiting to grant all wishes. Just rub the bottle and proof - a genie appears to instantly rid you of anxiety, worry, and stress.
Nice thought.
But miracles rarely happen.
Nothing is wrong with hope. People need hope. Hope combined with dedicated effort can send you on your way to quieting the storm.
Rid Yourself of Anxiety in Three Hours! Listen to these tapes and never feel anxious again, just $29.95. If you take advantage of our special, today only, get free shipping and handling!
Okay, sounds great. Like most quick fixes, if it sounds too good to be true, it likely is. Promised quick fixes do far more to enrich the sellers' bank accounts than help with anxiety. Let solid research and science guide you when choosing your path to de-stressing your life.
Long-term psychoanalysis may be a worthwhile endeavor for various reasons - we have no complaints about that. But if you have anxiety, long-term therapy seems like cruel and unusual punishment (and expensive, besides).
No quick fixes are available for anxiety, but short-term cognitive-behavioral therapy (which most of the techniques in this web site come from) can start helping within a matter of weeks or months, not years.
Many folks turn to alcohol to calm down. And in the sort run, let's face it; it works. After work, relaxing with a drink can feel pretty good.
In fact, research pretty much confirms that a couple of drinks a day for healthy adults may even have a few health benefits.
So what's wrong with drinking to relax?
So if a glass of wine at dinner is all you need, don't worry too much if you are in good health. But if that glass becomes three or four, you probably have a problem.
Extreme measures rarely work.
Just like wishing without any effort to overcome anxiety doesn't work, trying too hard is likely to backfire.
Why?
Because stressing out about stress can stress you out. Think about it.
If you absolutely must get rid of your anxiety, you become anxious about doing everything right.
After all, you've had your anxiety for a long time. It takes time to reduce it, and you'll never reach a point when anxiety goes away completely - unless you're dead or in a coma.
Be realistic and patient. Make progress; don't expect perfection.
Have you seen those fancy expensive teas?
Some contain Kava Kava or other herbal anxiety remedies - and they cost twice as much as plain teas.
They promise relief. Guess what? Mst have such small amounts of herbs in them and are so diluted that the only anxiety relief you can expect may come from sitting still and enjoying a moment of quite.
Don't waste your money on teas with anxiety relief messages plastered on the label.
Medications work well for some people.
However, many people can't tolerate the side effects; others don't want to take medications. Some worry about the long-term effects of medication.
Most importantly, medication doesn't teach people how to cope with their problems.
One class of medications, the benzodiazepines, has been found to interfere with the long-term benefits of exposure therapy. Although benzodiazepines are helpful in selected cases, they can be addictive.
On the other hand, don't get us wrong. Certain medications can provide much needed relief. Pills just aren't the magical cure that many people hope for.