It is important to deal with your discomfort early in its development, before it becomes a runaway reaction. This principle holds not only for fear but for other problems as well. Maybe we can learn from Rex, a large German shepherd that belonged to a psychologist. Rex used to roam all over the town, which he decided belonged to him. Invariably, when Rex was taken for a walk, he would get into fights with other dogs. While walking at heel, Rex would see another dog approaching at a great distance. Without barking or giving any other sign, Rex would suddenly bolt for the other dog, paying no attention to his owner’s shouts of “Down!” “Come!” “Heel!” and much worse. Under other circumstances, Rex was very obedient and would immediately respond to any of the above commands.
Through trial and error, the owner found that if he spotted the other dog first, he could abort the runaway reaction by saying, “No!” firmly, as soon as he detected an awareness response in Rex. In this way he was able to lead Rex completely, calmly, and without incident right in front of other dogs. The impulse to attack that could not be inhibited when it was full-blown could easily be inhibited when it was just a budding tendency.
Just as Rex’s aggression could be inhibited early, before it really got intense, in the same way your panic can be aborted by bringing in your preferred coping tactics as early as you possibly can—as soon as you feel that premonition of dizziness, or a faint flutter in your chest, or just a hint of goose flesh on your skin.
Learn to Live with Fear and It Will Subside
You will obviously be frightened when you enter your phobic situations. Expect it. Try to experience your fear as fully as possible when it comes. Seize the opportunity for you to overcome it. Don’t shut it out or run away. Remember, your sensations are normal bodily reactions. When fear appears, wait; concentrate on remaining where you are until it dies down. This it will do, although waiting for this to happen can seem like an eternity. If you look at your watch you will see that the fear usually starts to lessen within five to 30 minutes—and only rarely will it take as long as an hour—provided you remain in the situation and concentrate on feeling the fear instead of running away from it. If you do run away physically or mentally, your fear might actually increase.
While you are waiting for the fear to pass, focus on where you happen to be. Just stay right where you are until you have calmed down. Learn to recognize and label your fear by rating your level of anxiety on a 0 to 100 scale. Watch your fear slowly calm down as time passes. Plan what to do next.
Take out those coping cards from your pocket or purse, read them out to yourself, and do what they say. Keep the level of your fear manageable, by very slow deep breathing, or tensing and relaxing your muscles, or doing mental arithmetic, solving crossword puzzles, counting the beads on your bracelet or links in your watchband, or whatever else you find useful. Gradually you will learn to reduce your anxiety to a reasonable level, although you will not eliminate it completely for a long time. Learn to carry on your normal activities even when you are a little frightened.
We cannot abolish fear. What we can do is learn to live with it as we do with any other emotion. We can face it, accept it, float with the fear, and let time pass until it becomes manageable. We have to go along with the feelings without resistance. There is no need to be frightened of our heart beating loudly or of our crying. After all, our heart beats and we cry when we are very happy as well as when we are anxious, and few of us run away from the tears and heartbeats of great joy. Bodily sensations do not need to be feared. Flashes of intense panic are bound to come, but they will go away in time if our attitude is “let it pass” and if we do not run away. We need to go with the tide, to tread water until the worst is over. The flash experiences of fright will eventually expend themselves.
Welcome the Worst and the Present Will Feel Better
Many people get relief by learning to imagine the most horrible consequences without flinching. If you have visions of going mad in the street, then deliberately imagine your¬self screaming, frothing at the mouth, soiling yourself, running amok, until you can do this in a matter-of-fact way. Eventually these ideas will bore you utterly. If you are at the edge of a cliff and fear throwing yourself off, sit down at a safe distance from the edge and rehearse doing it in your mind’s eye, time and time again until the idea loses its power over you. If you are in an automobile in a traffic jam, feeling hemmed in, pull over to the side, continue sitting in the vehicle, and see yourself all crowded in and suffocating. Resume your journey only when you can laugh at the whole idea.
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